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Some Christmas Jokes for the holidays
Some Christmas Jokes for the holidays –
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget ****o films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sounds like everyone is on Santa's naughty list this year.
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''
''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''
I like the horse one, and some of the santa ones were orit
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