Child Custody Battle

[kgn340]

hey ... i've always thought of these forums as home ... the crazy days with LOD and ps2charlie ... oh, and <G> thinking that I'm a DMS fanboy. *shrug*

oh well, just thought that i'd come to a neutral location and voice my situation ... see if anyone else has a similar experience.

here's the scoop, I?m 36 and happily married, my wife (happily married 3 years) and i have (an extremely) beautiful one year old girl together. things became difficult with the fact that i have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. because my ex (girlfriend ... never married to me) has left my son in my custody for the past year, things became VERY DIFFICULT over the x-mas break.

just prior to x-mas, her other son (from a previous relationship) has falsely accused me of sexual abuse (sick, i know) from 6 years ago (the last time that her and i lived together). the local police investigated me for the possibility of laying criminal charges. after interviewing me, they realized that they didn't have a case.

unfortunately, my EX is now hiring a lawyer for litigation which could be unpleasant for everyone involved (well ... except for you guys here). she is hoping to use this false sex abuse accusation as her grounds for her case. It is my belief that she is using this as grounds to gain custody of our son, and therefore receive custody payments that she would use to finance her negative ?habits?.

sad, really. my son is 9 years old and he loves living with us.

but, thank god my wife is soooo understanding and supportive (I love her so, and she doesn?t believe the allegations against me at all).

the only ones that i can see profiting in this is the civil lawyers.

It?s sad, but I think that she dreamt up the sexual abuse charges such that she could gain custody of my son and then receive child support payments to fund her failing relationship with her current live-in boyfriend.

Sorry, all ? I just had to vent.

Thankfully, the lawyer supporting us is a friend of my wife (God bless both my wife and her friend [the lawyer]). It?s just a shame that things are so messy to go through this.

Well ? I guess I can?t get any more off topic than this ? anyone care to comment?

Cheers,
k

[xiaNaix]

I have a friend in a nearly identical situation. He married a woman with two young kids from a previous marriage who's father is allegedly molesting/raping them. Of course, they accuse HIM of being responsible. My advice to you is to kill her. This will be tied up in the courts forever and you'll end up broke from paying all the lawyers and shit. You'll spend less time in jail for the murder than you will trying to solve this in the court system. This has cost my friend every penny he had, literally, and most of his sanity.

[N£TM£ÇH]

im glad im not married and have no kids.. Life sucks at times and hopefully you will get through this in good shape. Good luck

[Ka-rosu]

This happened not to me but to my uncle, the girl from a previous marriage accused him of sexual abuse after talking with the 14-year-old girl **COUGHS*bitch!*COUGHS**COUGHS** we all knew that it was a lie, my uncle well he is in the police force, also i dun remenber him going tru stuff with lawers anyway stuff like this sucks if all she says is a lie about the abuse and stuff you will be okay, you record can be kinda damaged but i dunno about that one good luck d00d!

[Primenal]

Haven't been through anything like this, but my advice would be try to stay positive as possible, hope for the best, etc. On the court date if you go up to the judge, and state your case using common sense, pointing out her habits, why she's not deserving of your child then I'd imagine things would be fine....Maybe getting her to freak out, or pissing her off in the court room would help (you stay calm, polite, etc though). Just have to know how to control people (your ex, and the judge).
My father went through something like this with my step brother, and step sisters. There mother was a worthless POS, but gained custody of them when they were small. She ended up leaving them on the doorstep of somebody elses house though, and the lady testified for my father, and they took the kids away. Amazing how sick people are.......and do not care to use there children, or anyone/ anything to help make a buck. Usually for drugs, or something not so positive.

[kgn340]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the supporting sentiment.

It still floors me that someone (actually, many) could/would do this to another human being. The police investigating me was the worst time of my life. Mostly it was just my own brain troubling me with worst case scenarios. I was unbelievably unproductive at work and totally lost my appetite (this kind of diet is highly NOT recommended). Fortunately, I was able to inform my boss of the situation and he supported me (he even said that he would be a character witness for me if it would come to that).

But, yeah ? I totally want to be the ?bigger man? on this. I think Primenal hit it pretty close to the mark with his post. Doing what I can to stay positive ? it sucks though that I deal poorly with stress.


Guess that?s it for now ?

Be well and take care everyone ?

-k

[kgn340]

Just thot that i'd post an updated ... my sorta blog on the whole ordeal.
Well ... I've made it thru the initial ordeal of the police investigatining me -- they've dropped the case. (Can't investigate if there is nothing there).

Now it is time for the custody battle for the 9 year old son that we have.
It really sucks. My son gets a much better upbringing here, and she is throwing all of this mud at me (ie. bad stuff that happened in our relationship years before he was even born).

I am a professional type person, married a wonderful woman/business owner. Life is good (except when dealing with my ex -- son's mother).

So now the full blown family court custody battle will begin shortly. I need to be more assertive and PRO-my-side. Now my focus really needs to change from me and myself, to my son, and his personal wellbeing.

Side note: My bro-in-law is 40y/o. Last year, I just found out that HIS dad finally was able to pay of (loan, interest, and all) of all the court costs for his battle. Thank fully, he won (but geez, such a financial burden).

I hope that the courts don't have any preference to the MOM being the soul care provider. I hope that DADs can be just as good if not better.

Oh well ... here's to hoping ...

[jon_jon]

kgn340,

It seems you are going through some difficult times here. I have a few questions that may help you sort through this more objectively:

Has your 9yo son been with you just this past year? Was he with his mother the previous 8 years? Why did she leave him with you this past year? How was previous child custody and child support payment arranged? Were you paying child support for the prior 8 years? You seem to have a stable job in a stable family situation - is your son's mother also in such a stable situation?

The courts will evaluate all this. They will also look into your moral character and hers. If you have had any problems with the law, then it will be brought out in court. If she has had a checkered past, that will also influence the court decision. The fact that she has already hired a lawyer means that she is serious about getting your son back and also child custody payment. Unfortunately you can't do much about how she spends that money. However you can try to convice the court that you are the best parent to raise your son. You have to back it up with supporting evidence.

I hope your lawyer family friend can help you further in the court hearings to come.

Good luck.